Things I Should Probably Keep To Myself [1/3191987]

((I'd like to say that my lack of updating is at least in part due to the BITCHASSNESS my immune system is showing. I am still combating this possibly fatal... cold.))

Though I like to think of myself as unprecedented (thanks Cara), I'm sure there are people out there at least somewhat like me. I don't know any of these people but if you're out there and you come across this danish... TELL ME. I want to know who else is all jacked up in the brain. Anyway, in continuing with my theme of posting things that do no better mankind or make too much sense or make me seem intelligent, I present Things I Should Probably Keep To Myself. (I'll even put pictures because I feel everything is better with pictures.)

1. I hate being called African-American.I realize that I'm probably not supposed to say this/think this and that I may piss off a whole rack of black people while saying this BUT... I've been pissing black people off my entire life so why not now? (Side Note: The Field Negro had a discussion over whether to capitalize the b when speaking on black people and I said I didn't know if I did or not, apparently I don't.) Something about being called "African-American" has always rubbed me the wrong way... I'm going to guess this is because I didn't know very many black people growing up and the black people I do know (familial and otherwise) do not use this terminology. It could also have something to do with that James Brown song and how I can remember being no more than 3 or 4, screaming, "I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD!" every time a certain commercial played a piece of the song. With that being said, I've pretty much only been called African-American by white people and I don't like it... I actually think it's racist as hell. If I were from, say, Nigeria or my parents were or hell... even my grandparents were I could maybe stomach it but actually my parents are from California (dad) and Louisiana (mom) and I am from Louisiana/Maryland. My grandparents are from California (paternal grandfather), Japan (paternal grandmother), Texas (maternal grandfather), and Louisiana (maternal grandmother). I could keep going back and back and back but I'm only going to find people from the United States, Japan, and some people from France. To me, this means I am not African. I know very little of African culture and neither do any of my relatives. I know that at least part of my ancestry stems from somewhere in Africa (or so it is to be assumed) but with slavery, how am I to know how much? Why can't I be just an American because, after all, isn't that what I am? Why is it necessary to attach the African to my American title? Because I'm black? Because my skin is non-white? I rarely hear the terms European-American or more specifically French-American, English-American, Italian-American, German-American, etc. I can be honest and say that I don't know how this African-American thing came into play as the PC word of choice to categorize us Negroes but I will say (just as I told my white 9th grade government teacher) that every time I see a white person struggling to remember to say "African-American" instead of "black" it's like they're trying to remember not to call me a "nigger" either... Or at least that's how it feels.

2. I want a "little person."

There's probably no right way to say this, but I want a "little person" a.k.a. a "dwarf" or a "midget" (though "midget" is not generally preferred despite the reclamation efforts of "Midget Mac"). I can't help it, I think little people are cute as hell. (I KNOW, I KNOW!) I don't know what's wrong with me, even as a small child I was mystified by little people. My mom would scold, "Don't stare!" And I'd whisper, "I'm sorry mommy but they're so cute! I want one." My mother would then roll her eyes and say, "Jasmine! They're people, not pets!" Believe me people, I know little people are not pets! I swear this! But every time I see one the first thought that pops into my head is, "I want one!" This is followed by internally yelling at myself, "THAT IS NOT RIGHT! YOU ARE FUCKED UP! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAW A BLACK PERSON THEY SAID TO THEMSELVES, 'I WANT ONE!'?" I don't usually answer myself but I guess I wouldn't like that very much but I can't help my natural love of the cuteness of little people. Similarly, when I see babies I think they're the cutest thing in the whole world and think, "Ooo! I want one!" but I won't be having a baby either. I should probably talk to my therapist about this.

I think I'll let that be it for this post because it's already long enough.


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Now playing: Alicia Keys - Lesson Learned (Feat. John Mayer)
via FoxyTunes