Why I'll Never Again Put Another Relaxer In My Hair

(Disclaimer: For those of you who don't know what a relaxer is (perm to black folks) because you have never been around black people in your life, Please visit here.)

PRE-RELAXATION

POST-RELAXATION

You like that face? That's the WHY WON'T MY HAIR GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS face. BTW, it's been almost a year since the relaxer.

"Why are you the way you are?"

That's the subtitle of my friend Cara's danish. It made me start thinking about myself... About why I am the way I am. I think I will try to make a list now. Try to follow, I tend to ramble.

• "Jasmine is such a snob" -Selected Family Members
  
• "She think she better than everybody because she live in Baltimore." -Selected Family Members (And I don't fucking live in Baltimore)
• "This my cousin from Baltimore." -Cousins
• "Girl, you think you from Baltimore and you not. YOU FROM HAMMOND, LA." -Selected Family Members
  
• I was actually born in Hammond, LA. Not THAT GREAT of a place for black people.
• "Your chink eyes are ugly." -Selected Family Members
• My mom counted less than 20 black people in my 7th grade yearbook (me included) for all the grades (6,7,8).
• I stole my brother's Tupac and Nas CDs when I needed a break from Mariah Carey.
• The whole first 8 years of my life I was only technically allowed to listen to christian/gospel music and country music (with the exception of Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston). I cheated in secret, of course.
• Child-molestation.
• Alcoholism... Throughout both sides of my family.
• Being abused daily.
• Getting screamed at for bringing home a "B."
• Being the only black kid in at least one of my classes every year since 4th grade.
• Not realizing there were so many black kids in my graduating class until graduation... They just weren't in my classes.
• Not knowing what "nigger" meant until 6th grade.
• Hating my father until I was 18 for no real reason.
• My favorite book is The Giving Tree because it mirrors many things in the relationship between my mother and my brother.
• Accepting being called "oreo." (Black on the outside, white on the outside).
• Being called "white girl" as early as 4.
• Being forced into attending an all black school because my family thought I needed to learn how to be around black people.
• Being given a natural apprehension to trust any male by the time I was 3.
• Suicide attempts.
• Having my hair straight for the first time in 7th grade and having Kyle Bagbey pull on it because he didn't believe it wasn't a weave.
• Growing up in Crofton, Maryland.
• Giving into Go-Go music at 18.
• Falling in love with poetry at 4.
• Reading Shakepeare's classics in elementary school.
• Wishbone. :)
• Being a scorpio.
• My brother dying before I was born and the effect it had on my mother.
• My other brother dying in 8th grade and me not being able to remember his face.
• Having every hamster I've ever had die in less than a year (though I took good care of them) only to find out after the last one that hamsters just don't have long life spans. :(
• Being complimented on being so "articulate."
• Having good SAT scores that were not good enough for my mother.
• Sexual assault in adulthood.
• Witnessing women I love and respect being beat by men.
• Bad allergies.
• Thyroid conditions.
• Depression.
• Anxiety.
• Arundel Senior High School.
• Four Seasons Elementary.
• Woodmore Elementary.
• Crofton Middle.
• Arundel Middle.
• Clark Atlanta University.
• Woodland Park Elementary School.
• The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill.
• Eating chili and cheese out of a bowl.
• Bonne Belle chapstick.
• MTV rotting my brain.
• Disney channel.
• Nickelodeon.
• The Guiding Light.
• Never feeling quite loved enough.
• The handful of people in this world I think understand me.
• Leke.
• Derek.
• Jeff.
• Broken-hearts.
• Michelle.
• Jinnelle.
• Cara.
• Melody.
• My cousin Kelle.
• Jonathan William (both of them.)
• Hurricane Katrina.
• The internet.
• My grandmother Augustine.
• The rest of my family.
• Music!
• Books!

I could probably go on forever, (and I almost did) but I won't.


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Now playing: N*E*R*D - Maybe
via FoxyTunes

Def Poetry Jam Post 1/11191986

"To All The Boys I've Loved Before"
-Mayda Del Valle

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Now playing: N*E*R*D - Bobby James
via FoxyTunes

Remember That I Love You♥

I'm WUI (writing under the influence) again. Well, I don't know if I'm really WUI because I didn't do anything to feel inebriated but my mom made apple cobbler and put a lot of rum in it so now I feel kind of buzzed. Anyway... I'm listening to this song by Kimya Dawson called "Loose Lips" (on repeat because that's what I do) and it makes me smile. I won't drag on about it but I will say that the song (to me) is about hope and I think a little hope is something we could all use every now and then... Some of us more often than others (I'm included in the latter).

So I'd like to say this to anyone who reads this unless you are my brother (the full-blooded one that's still living), Jessica Cooper, a child molester, a rapist, a woman beater, or any other kind of disgusting person:

So if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I Love You
And if you wanna cut yourself, remember that I Love You
And if you wanna kill yourself, remember that I Love You
Call me up before you're dead, we can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend
-Kimya Dawson "Loose Lips"

I mean it too and you should check out more of her music. If you've seen Juno, you've heard some of her music but you should really hear more. She's good and I think her songs are cute.
And again, all decent, non-evil people... Remember that I love you♥. :)


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Now playing: Kimya Dawson - Loose Lips
via FoxyTunes

They Don't Make 'Em Like This Anymore

"I don't care how many times it has been done; I am putting my own two cents on the album that carried me from pre-teen to teen to young woman to beginning almost-real adulthood. Everybody can have their opinions but (to me) The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill is the 1990's hip-hop/r&b answer to Songs In The Key Of Life. For the soul purists this may be a big claim but I'm just saying what this album has meant to me. My auntie Lucy bought this CD for my 12th birthday in 1998 and nearly 10 years later I'm catching lines I missed."
-Me

That's what I wrote last night/this morning when I thought to myself that I was going to write about this album that serves as my life soundtrack. Then, like usual, I got distracted and went off elsewhere but today I decided to come back to what I had intended to say. What I intended to say is that maybe I take things differently than other people... Maybe I put to much into music... Maybe it has too big of a presence in my life. If that is true SO BE IT! I am a music lover and though I am (admittedly) not the most fickle of music lovers it is rare that I can listen to an entire album on repeat without skipping and never get bored. This album... *DEEP SIGH* This album is about LOVE in every form.

• Difficult/Painful Love - "Ex-Factor"
• Love Of Your Child - "To Zion"
  
• Love Yourself Young Women and Men - "Doo Wop (That Thing)"
• Love For God (Beautiful song, though I'm not religious) - "Tell Him"

I could actually go on and on but I'm trying not to be TOO long-winded. Lauryn Hill has inspired many. You look on Youtube and there are countless covers of her songs by musicians (both professional and amateur). Sadly, The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill is her only solo studio album. Lauryn Hill has become known for her semi-crazy antics. People have alleged she is a racist based off of quotes that she never said (See: Wikipedia). Do I wish that she could somehow go back to the Lauryn that made this beautiful album? Yes. But Lauryn contends that the Lauryn I (and many like me) long for was not the real Lauryn Hill and that she was not being completely true to herself.

"People need to understand that the Lauryn Hill they were exposed to in the beginning was all that was allowed in that arena at that time. There was much more strength, spirit and passion, desire, curiosity, ambition and opinion that was not allowed in a small space designed for consumer mass appeal and dictated by very limited standards. I had to step away when I realized that for the sake of the machine, I was being way too compromised. I felt uncomfortable about having to smile in someone’s face when I really didn’t like them or even know them well enough to like them."
-Lauryn Hill

So I guess she is never "coming back." That is her right. It will not stop me from enjoying this masterpiece. But I just need someone to tell VIBE MAGAZINE that Amy Winehouse will NEVER be Lauryn Hill, not that I take much credit in Vibe Magazine anyway. "Forgive them father, they know not what they do..."


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Now playing: Lauryn Hill - Every Ghetto, Every City
via FoxyTunes

Beginnory

I asked my friend Les what another word for "Introductory" was... "Beginnory" is what he gave me. So this is the beginnory of my... my... Blog. I don't like that word though so from here on out when you (the collective you) see me saying "Danish" I am referring to my blog. What does one say in a beginnory? Do I say why I chose to start a danish? The answer to that would be peer pressure and of course boredom. Do I say what one can expect to find in my danish? Umm... One should expect everything.

That is my friend, Lortab.

This is my other friend, Dye-Free Benadryl.

I present them just to say, though I am admittedly spacey I'm not always as spacey as I may appear right now. Not sure if I do. But I have taken some Lortabs for menstrual cramps and two Benadryl for my allergies. I'm like... Trying to keep my eyes open so is felt like time for a danish. I'm avoiding two very important tasks right now... Fixing my ID3 tags and making an mp3 for Les out of some Youtube video. But I've to run out of songs by The Cool Kids to listen to so I think I'm officially done with this danish. The next one should better. I like to be optimistic.

 

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Now playing: The Cool Kids - Black Mags
via FoxyTunes