Lisa "Mixtape" Turtle [3/95454521545]

I am a woman (a black woman at that) so that means I have man problems. I thought I should dedicate a mixtape to something familiar -- broken-hearted women. I am about to start a She-Woman Men Haters Club because men suck. This mixtape takes you through the stages of a heartbreak :

1. The First Signs/Trouble in paradise.
2. How can this be? *Tears* This can't be happening. I won't let you go.
3. Confused... Should I stay or should I go?
   
4. Acceptance/Finding the strength to say goodbye.
   
5. I'll be just fine fine fine fine fine. (Whoo!)

All the songs featured are by women only because I wanted to tell the story through the perspective of women (though I love many heartbreak songs by men.) So now I present, From A Woman's Perspective (Man Problems).Get it here.

1. Till It Happens To You - Corinne Bailey Rae
2. Key To My Heart - Danity Kane
3. Foolish Games - Jewel
4. Dickhead - Kate Nash
5. You'll Lose A Good Thing - Barbara Lynn
6. Take A Bow - Madonna
7. The Way That I Love You - Ashanti
8. You Made A Fool Of Me - Me'Shell NdegéOcello
9. Get Along With You - Kelis
10. Silly - Deniece Williams
11. Green Eyes - Erykah Badu
12. Back To Life (How Ever Do You Want Me)
13. I Don't Wanna - Aaliyah
14. Ain't No Way - Aretha Franklin
15. Walk Away - Christina Aguilera
16. My Love - Ciara
17. Goodbye - Alicia Keys
18. The Heart Of The Matter - India.Arie
19. Breakdown (Feat. Bone Thugs-N-Harmony) - Mariah Carey
20. Rolling Down My Face - Amerie
21. What About Us? - Brandy
22. Ring Da Bell - Monica
23. Green Light - Beyoncé
24. Why Should I Be Sad - Britney Spears

Thinking Out Loud (So To Speak...)

In just two years
A baby goes from just being able to move its head
To walking, talking, feeding itself
Communicating how it thinks and feels
So many little milestones on the path to becoming a toddler

In the last two years
I've been to two different schools
Lived in two different states
Almost lost you in a car accident
Only to lose you to somebody else a month later
I've broken your heart
You've broken mine
My mom survived breast cancer
I've made friends and lost friends
We've broken up and always made up
So many good times but many more bad times
And through it all I've kept my strength

But you question my strength
You question the strength of my love for you
You don't see how in "such a short time"
I can feel so strongly
You do not trust my word
You do not believe that I love you

The lover in me wants to prove myself to you
Pull out all the stops
Paint the story of my love over melodies
And sing them to you

The rest of me wonders
Why I should have to prove my love
To someone who has not proven their love to me

You hold the past over my head
And I can admit that the way I was acting
I did not have OUR best interest at heart
But I'm not that girl anymore
And I'm not trying to hurt you anymore

BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU
You insist that I am dramatizing my feelings
And I just think that I love you
And you're not going to let me break your heart -- again
And you're not going to let me play these games

WHAT GAMES?
It seems to me you're the only one playing games these days
I don't get it
I thought maybe it was about sex
So I stopped giving it to you
And you stick around
And pick fights with me
And tell me you love me
And then take it back
And tell me that I don't love you
I just don't get it

I don't like who we're becoming
You said you want it to be how it used to be
But I don't think it can
Why can't we just find a new way to be
Or not be at all?

It scares me that we're turning into a Lauryn Hill song
It could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard
When all you have to do is say what you mean and mean what you say
Everything else will work itself out

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Now playing: Lauryn Hill - Ex-Factor
via FoxyTunes

Sometimes I might post poems.

Turbulence

Last night my hands couldn't sleep
My fingertips traced the sheets
desperately yearning for the ones
they used to sleep with
balling fists in anger to find them not there

Last night my eyes couldn't sleep
Every time I closed my lids
they'd dance behind them so I'd open them again
They tried to push my contacts out
And when that wasn't enough
they dropped tiny water balloons on my cheeks
calling upon my hands to wipe the wetness away

Last night my mouth couldn't sleep
It wouldn't let me breathe comfortably with it closed
My lips kept seeking dryness so I'd have to lick them
Eventually my tongue followed suit
so I had to find some water to satiate

Last night my heart couldn't sleep
It thumped eagerly and heavily inside my chest
Forcing me to panic and my mouth to take deep breaths
and bite the fingernails of one hand
as the other clinched my chest
leaving my cheeks drenched
by the tiny water balloons

Last night my brain couldn't sleep
so it told my fingers to trace the sheets
and my eyes to dance behind my eyelids
and my mouth to search for dryness
and my heart to thump eagerly and heavily inside my chest

My brain has not yet figured out
how to not think about you
how to accept that
my fingers are now without companions
my eyes no longer have your eyes to fixate on
my mouth will not be greeted by your lips and your tongue
and my heart will have to beat hard enough for two
now that half of it is gone

My brain will not rest
because of this unrest between us
so instead it creates this turbulence to keep me awake
and together we lie in my bed and wait



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Now playing: Kanye West - Flashing Lights (ft. Dwele)
via FoxyTunes