I Want You

you mess with my mind
thoughts skip and repeat like a scratched CD
I shake my head in defeat
because there seems to be no release
staggered heartbeats and clammy palms don't lie
I want you
and it would seem that this fact is
inescapable

I tried to drink you out
sleep you out
read you out
exercised and exorcised
even tried to fuck you out
but I can't convince myself
despite my best efforts
that I don't want you

tried to figure it out
how I became so fixated
everytime I try to rationalize
I end up lost in moments
and picturing your smile
I wish I knew your voodoo
you're not even that cute

the reasons are lost to me
I just know that
logic has failed me
my emotions betrayed me
denial no longer being an option
I must accept how badly
I want you

Erykah Badu - I Want You

Def Poetry Jam Post [2/11191986]

"Next Wednesday" by Mush

"Remember me for my way of getting people into trouble--
I wish to graduate from college,
become an artist, have two kids,
and one day go to heaven."

A childhood friend wrote this ten years ago in our sixth grade yearbook
Last year, she dropped out of art school
Last month, she told me that she was getting an abortion
for the second time
Her last wish before graduating sixth grade was to go to heaven
but this depends on what she does between now
and next Wednesday

This is the girl with the biggest brown eyes
I've ever seen
She's got Venus fly traps for lashes
and lips that make conversation blush
every time she speaks
This is the girl that taught me how to shave my pubes
The same girl that schooled me on how to inhale
seven inch bananas
with no hands
Best friends like sisters
I know her well enough to know that
she's the type who in times of trouble
hides by being stagnant
Says it's her birth right,
see her dad left twenty-three years ago
Stopped paying child-support before she could walk
Stopped calling the following year
And by that Christmas
this man had stopped sending cards all together
And I wish
I had hugged her more when we were younger

Back then, baby used to cut herself with broken pieces of father
Swallow them whole
then molds herself like wet clay
inside mens bodies
even though it bothered her when they talked about fathers
All grown, she buries herself
beneath layers of player façade
Searching for touch
she doesn't even remember
Thinks every other mans hands will mend her
Twenty-three years of neglect
She lets these men run ins and out on her
just like he did

And I wanna tell her
You've got men grabbing at you from every angle
But if you don't feel like getting down tonight
It's alright, girl, just say so
Next Wednesday, is more than an abortion day
It's about change
So jump through
Move
Run, if you have to
But don't look back
I will be here
Gouging fistfuls of lavender for safe-keeping
Tattoo their silhouette across your chest
So you never forget
You are my first love
So breathe free
Cause your own future can't afford to lose you
And baby, neither can we

Sometimes I might post poems.

Turbulence

Last night my hands couldn't sleep
My fingertips traced the sheets
desperately yearning for the ones
they used to sleep with
balling fists in anger to find them not there

Last night my eyes couldn't sleep
Every time I closed my lids
they'd dance behind them so I'd open them again
They tried to push my contacts out
And when that wasn't enough
they dropped tiny water balloons on my cheeks
calling upon my hands to wipe the wetness away

Last night my mouth couldn't sleep
It wouldn't let me breathe comfortably with it closed
My lips kept seeking dryness so I'd have to lick them
Eventually my tongue followed suit
so I had to find some water to satiate

Last night my heart couldn't sleep
It thumped eagerly and heavily inside my chest
Forcing me to panic and my mouth to take deep breaths
and bite the fingernails of one hand
as the other clinched my chest
leaving my cheeks drenched
by the tiny water balloons

Last night my brain couldn't sleep
so it told my fingers to trace the sheets
and my eyes to dance behind my eyelids
and my mouth to search for dryness
and my heart to thump eagerly and heavily inside my chest

My brain has not yet figured out
how to not think about you
how to accept that
my fingers are now without companions
my eyes no longer have your eyes to fixate on
my mouth will not be greeted by your lips and your tongue
and my heart will have to beat hard enough for two
now that half of it is gone

My brain will not rest
because of this unrest between us
so instead it creates this turbulence to keep me awake
and together we lie in my bed and wait



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