This Election

Disclaimer: I want to write this disclaimer now while I am of sound mind and body, before any of the emotions that have been building up since Barack Obama announced that he was running for president cripple me. I want it to be clear that I don't write this to offend anyone, to generalize, to make assumptions, to appear racist, or to lose friends. I write this because I want to say my piece on this tiresome election and say no more ever again until after Nov. 4. I will even do my best not to comment back to those who comment. It is my hope that I cover everything I want or need to say in the following statements.

I am tired of this election. It makes me sick. The appalling behavior of people is not shocking, just disheartening. The racist attacks are depressing. I particularly get upset at all the accusations over Barack Obama being a secret Muslim and that meaning he's a terrorist. This is offensive on so many levels. I don't have the time or patience to run through every single disgusting thing that has occurred recently but I am so fed up. I personally know friendships are falling apart at the seams because people refuse to respect each other. It was easy to pretend that the feelings didn't exist, that racism was not a problem until the catalyst. This audacious (half) black man thinks he can be president. It is extraordinarily interesting to me that I can recall how quick many white people were to constantly remind us black people that Barack Obama half-way belonged to them. I remember feeling the implications (before he decided to run, back when he was just the enigmatic Senator from Iowa) from these people; he's so good because he's half white. Maybe I should explain that. Some (not all or most) white people would feel the need to point out that his mother is white every time a black person seemed too proud of this black man. It would seem that these same white people don't want him anymore because he has stepped over the boundaries that they set for him. I noticed this when he decided to run for president. Some of these same people who thought he was the sweetest breath of fresh air in 2004 had the hateful things to say about him in 2007. I let it go though. As a black person, you learn which battles to pick and choose. It is especially difficult for me. Growing up surrounded by faces that do not reflect your own, you learn quickly that you don't want to be the girl or boy who calls everything "racist" even when it is racist. Even as I write these words, I think of the accusations. You're the racist because you think anyone who doesn't like Barack Obama is racist. This is simply untrue.

I find it interesting that if I generalized and said all white people are racists (because there are so many that are) I would be harshly attacked and criticized for my words. It is apparently, however, an acceptable generalization to say that all black people are voting for Barack Obama. Most people do not jump at that. Even more, it is apparently okay to assume that if you are black and voting for Barack Obama it is because you are black. The last time I checked black people were in the minority so I would gather that non-black people would have to vote for Barack Obama for him to become the Democratic nominee. Why does no one seem to accuse non-black people of voting for Senator Obama because he is black? Why does no one seem to want to talk about the large group of people who won't vote for him because he is black? Why can't it be that most black people are democrats? He is, after all, the democratic nominee. I don't know that Condoleeza Rice could have had this following from black people. I seriously doubt Alan Keyes could have. I know for a fact Michael Steele did not fair well with black people in Maryland when he ran for Senate. Why assume that black people are not capable of voting on the issues just like you are? Parade all the videos you want in front of me about black people who don't know the issues; I don't care. That does not represent black people as a whole but of course you choose to think it does. It is easy to think ill of the people you named a word that means ignorant. "I wish these ignorant people wouldn't vote." You say this and you're only referring to black people who you think are voting for the wrong reasons. Why don't you just say what you mean? "I wish these niggers wouldn't vote." I move away from that. I move away from the collective you. It's starting to sound like I mean all white people and I don't. This goes out to anyone with these feelings. Especially, black people with these feelings. You are not better than me black Republican because you are voting for John McCain. You are not smarter than me. You are not more enlightened. You are not special. You are not different. Most of the time you just sound desperate to separate yourself from "us." No, I don't feel this way about all black Republicans but most that I come across, yes.

As for me personally, I was not sold on Barack Obama - well, I am still not fully sold on Barack Obama. I guess I like him about as much as I can like a politician. I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I like Michelle Obama more than I like Barack Obama. When he announced he was running my feelings were mixed. I was very pro Hillary but happy for Barack. I thought he would make a nice vice-president. I had no intentions of voting for him in the primaries until... Hillary lost it for me. Her behavior, I won't get into specifics, turned me off. Most people didn't know I was initially for Hillary because they assumed. Yes, I always liked Barack Obama but I did not always plan to vote for him. It was assumed by Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Green party members, etc. that I was for Barack Obama. Why is that? Simply because we're both black. I didn't know who to vote for when our primary rolled around so I just voted for Barack just because. I didn't vote for him because he is black. I feel my gender more than I feel my race daily so if that were the case I would have voted for Hillary. I just couldn't not vote for someone. I am black and I am a woman. Too many people died, too much blood shed, too many tears, too much went on for me to have the right to vote. I will never not vote no matter how much I don't like the options. So this is the truth of the matter. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a whole hearted Democrat. I'm not anything. I don't like John McCain or Sarah Palin. I didn't pay attention to the other parties candidates. So It's Obama/Biden. My truth is the truth for a lot of people. Vote for the one you dislike the least. Yes, Barack Obama is handsome and a wonderful public speaker but I'm voting for him because he's the best option I have. Not voting is not an option to me so this is it. If I wanted to vote on race or gender or something I'd vote for the Green Party candidate - I mean, she's black and a woman! Two for one! To be honest, I constantly fret over how well Obama will do. I am completely confident he'd do much better than McCain but the odds are stacked against him since the country is already going to shit and he hasn't even made it to office yet. I worry that the job is nearly impossible, our downfall inevitable. I worry that he will become the scapegoat and we will never again have another black president.

But I know, some of you are still not convinced. You are convinced if Barack Obama had the same platform as John McCain I'd still vote for him. You make these assumptions simply because I am black. I've already told you how wrong you are but you will still believe it. So, now I ask you to look at it from another angle. I know I am asking too much of some of you when I ask you to try to see it from a different point of view. What if I were voting for Barack Obama just because he is black? What if every single black person in the country only voted for Barack Obama because he is black? So what? Unfortunately, people have the right to vote for whomever they choose and the reasoning can be as trivial as they'd like. But, race is not trivial. Especially not to those older than I. Those who remember segregation. My mother was born in 1954, the same year as Brown v. The Board of Education. Explain to me then why it was not until she was already in high school that the schools in Tangipahoa Parish, LA were desegregated. She remembers. This fair chance for a black man means something to her. Even if she weren't voting for him, she would be in awe that he made it this far. Can you imagine what it means to her to be able to vote for him after she has spent her whole adult life voting for white men and women. This is her youngest child's first presidential election (I was 17 days too young in 2004) and I will be able to vote for a black candidate. Can you imagine what that means to a black woman raised in the south during the civil rights era? Can you? I think back to Michelle Obama's now infamous statement about how for the first time she felt really proud of her country. So many jumped at the chance to call her un-American. I hate to break it to you but this is the reality for those unfairly handed second class citizenship status. I have still not seen a reason to be truly proud of my country. I refuse to feel ashamed of black people who only are only voting for Barack Obama because he black. Like I already said, it is no more than the white people (and other non-black people) not voting for Obama because he black. Besides, haven't white people always voted for white people because they were white? White men specifically? Isn't that why a black candidate and a female candidate never had a chance until this year? Or am I not supposed to point that out?

With all this being said, I just want everyone to vote - Period. I don't care who you vote for and all I ask is that you extend me the same courtesy. On the other hand, if Barack Obama doesn't win I will have no choice but to feel that it were not his merits and credibility that lost it for him. I will believe it to be something more sinister and evil. I will believe it to be racism. You don't have to agree with me, I'm not asking you to. I'm just being honest. I wish I could believe it to be his political stance but I can't delude myself. I can see. I also fear his victory. I fear people will think racism doesn't exist here anymore because we have a black president. Racism will still be here no matter who wins.

On Nov. 4, 2008, I will vote for Barack Obama. I know that no one is shocked. Your reasons for being not shocked depend on your character. If you choose to think ill of my decision and want to continue to assume it's based on race then more power to you. I do not wish to discuss this further. If you are offended and hate me now. Feel free to never speak to me again. Delete me off Facebook, MySpace, delete my number, etc. I don't want to lose friends over this madness but I'm always going to be black so if that's the kind of person you are it will come up again later in life so let's get it out the way now. This does not mean if you are a McCain supporter I don't want to be your friend. I mean if you think less of me because I'm not one or you question my intelligence (meaning you think I'd vote for someone just because they're black) then I don't want to be your friend anyway. I think voting for John McCain is incredibly stupid but I'm trying to respect that everyone doesn't think the way I do, can I have the same in return? I don't think that's too much to ask.

Also, I can understand if you are a John McCain supporter who won't like me anymore because you will wonder if I think you are secretly a racist. I can answer that, I don't unless you have given me some reason to feel that way.

Anyway, everybody just vote! Please?

-Jasmine

P.S.: Donna Brazile says it better than me and it's shorter:

BLACK GIRLS ARE AWESOME (For Those of You Who Don't Know So!)

I'm a pretty open person. Some say I'm weird but I prefer atypical, better yet - eccentric. From a very early age, my mom showed me that I don't have to live up to anybody else's expectations of what I should be. Growing up with such a non-judgemental mother allowed me to favor the Backstreet Boys to Blackstreet, No Doubt to Destiny's Child, basketball to ballet, dresses with shorts to pants, black to pink, to Boys Meets World to Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, etc. I have never felt the need to tie my identity to things deemed black, feminine, southern, or anything else that I'm supposed to be. I like what I like and I make no apologies, explanations, or excuses for my often random likes and dislikes.

It has come to my attention on numerous occasions that black girls and women are all expected to (basically) be one way. It seems a good chunk of you missed the memo that we are not all into long weaves, neck-rolling, hoop earrings, blunts, misplaced anger, etc. To be honest, I don't have much in common with most of the black girls I know and they don't have much in common with each other. Do you know what this means? WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT! ;) I chose that picture of Jack Davey because I think she represents what I'm saying here. She fronts J*DaVeY (the new Groove Theory), an R&B/Funk duo made of awesome and win. I'm willing to bet if she chose not to don mohawks and headdresses, she would become more appealing to most people. If she would just be that bland, safe, cutesy image of a black chick that the music industry keeps forcing down our throats... But she's not and she shouldn't have to be. Not only that, how she chooses to express herself shouldn't be seen as weird and/or shocking when the same reaction wouldn't be given to a white chick (if we're being honest).

...Now that you know what I'm trying to say here... Let me tell you what happened. I went out with some friends tonight and out of nowhere (it seemed), one of them says, "I know my children will be light because my wife will be white or Asian because I don't do blackies. No offense to you. [meaning me]" He, of course, is Wesley Snipes black. My other friends at the table scurried off, as they assumed I was about ready to lay a verbal assault on his ignant ass... But I didn't, not really anyway. I tried to engage in a civil conversation with him; I tried not to involve too many emotions. He told me it wasn't that he didn't like black girls, it's just that this is what he gravitates to because of where he's from. YOU KNOW THIS WAS A COPOUT TO THE SUBURBAN GANGSTER HERSELF, but I let it slide and let him continue. He told me that black girls, or at least the ones he knows, aren't into the things he likes - Anime, photography, rock music. They are all into that gangster rap and he can't deal with that. (For my DMV people, he's from PG County/MoCo... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!) He told me that he can't be faulted for his preference. The only other female there (a Korean/white blend) tried to explain his point of views from a sociologist's standpoint. They all started talking r e a l s l o w to me like I didn't understand them when I was the only completely sober person at the table (shocker, I know).

I won't even go into the self-hatred issues I'm convinced this boy has (and nope, not because of his "preference"). I asked him and the other black guy at the table, "Are your mothers black? Is she an angry hoodrat?" They replied, "No." "So how is it that you can say to me that you don't know not ONE black female who doesn't fit this stereotype when you know HER?" Then I went on to say, "And... YOU KNOW ME! Are you now saying I fit this stereotype too?" I am tired of people not acknowledging the variety pack that is the black female. Like I told these dudes, if I based my opinion of all black men solely on my experiences with black men... I wouldn't ever talk to a black man ever again. EVER. ...And the, "I don't know many black girls" argument - OBNOXIOUS. Meet some damnit!

This is a call to action to all out there who think we are all one way, all those who view us negatively... Try a black girl today! Go befriend one! Talk to one at work/school/the grocery store/etc.! You would be surprised (apparently) at how friendly we can be. Don't just assume we don't share your interests! Half the Anime club at my school was black girls! We like rock music too! Damn, some of us grew up going to country clubs too! I appreciate green tea and noodles! You wouldn't believe how many black women HATE mainstream rap music! And YES, I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC DAMNIT! Stop trying to pigeonhole us and give us a chance before you assume we're angry, uneducated, and bitter!

Subject: apology....... :0( [Straight from the MySpace Presses!!!]

Hello Hello! The queen of the hiatus is back (temporarily). I have had so many things going on which I will hopefully be able to unfold for all of you in a series of posts. The first is a little update of Mr. Black-White-Girl Fetish. Mr. Black-White-Girl Fetish is from a post called, "I AM NOBODY'S FETISH." If you aren't familiar with the story or you need a refresher, I will give a little back story but the full story is at the links.

Anywho, I met this guy who seemed nice, we were getting along until... He decided to tell me that the reason he liked me is because he like black girls who act white. He touched a nerve with that one. I was livid. Any chance of romance was dead. I continued to talk to him anyway because his fawning over me was both comical and flattering... This was, until, I read his MySpace blogs that declared that he will not date or marry a black girl. Only a thick, caucasian and or "foreign type" female. I confronted him on the issue, hit him with my realness and he didn't like it too much. I posted our conversation on here and linked his MySpace... LoL. Anyway, he has written me back to apologize for disrespecting me and women in general. Well... He probably just wants to fuck me. Here's what he wrote to me; I didn't respond but if someone has a good suggestion to what I should say to him, that'd be amazing.

Just wanted to say sry 4 actin like an asshole last time we talked. I just
wanted to know if I could still be ur friend? I dont know when you will get this but I am going back to school in a few weeks. Mayb I will run into u at a club or movies. *wink wink* ttys..

He's just trying to get in my pants, I am not that stupid. In other news, I want these shoes.

*Sorry for runons, I'm falling asleep as I type.

Dear Black Man

To whom it may concern
If it were to concern you at all
I am informing the collective you
that after years of being beaten down
mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually
I am finally giving up
gathering what's left of myself and retreating
Black man - It's time to quit you

I won't let you leave me unloved and unmarried
Single mother of three
Fifteen years of you and no wedding ring
I won't let you turn me into a lesbian
Too traumatized to let a man touch me again
I will simply seek other opportunities
Somewhere in this world I'll be appreciated for me
I just don't think it will be a Black man

The Black man did not find me reason enough to
put down the bottle, stop all the whoring
and just raise his damn child
The only thing he gave me was
his nose, his vices, his smile, and his fucked up attitude

Black man I call my brother saw fit to lay hands on me
And no, I don't mean spiritually
Fists turned into punches, hands turned into slaps
Spit in my face as you tickle me until I cry
You told me no man should ever put his hands on me
Yet, you beat me down on a regular basis
Offering love for me as your reasoning
And to think, you're the only man I've ever really trusted

Black man, you sure like to touch me
Wandering eyes led to wandering hands
No permission was granted but that didn't matter
Terrified three-year-old felt something wasn't right
But your threats bought you time in the form of my silence
Eleven-years-old, your hands trespass on thighs
This time, I'm old enough to know to run
Like I wish I could have those times at 19 you got me
drunk enough to take advantage of my inexperience and innocence

The Black man wants my fruit
without putting in any of the labor
and I know I could never depend on you to be there
If by chance I were to go into labor
You won't even commit to showing up at my house on time
And a relationship is out of the question
The only thing you understand is "friends with benefits"
Where you're the only "friend" that benefits
While I hug my sheets, watching you dress
I realize your pretense and this is just another way to use me

Even when you and I become involved
You take it upon yourself to run down a list
of everything YOU THINK is wrong with me
You like my curly hair but you think it's too short
It makes you wonder if I'm "mixed with something"
My in between skin, however, does not please you
I catch you staring at my high school pictures on the wall
You notice my hair was longer and my skin was lighter
Then you tell me that I could have your babies
because I "got good hair"
but we'd probably have to keep them out of the sun
You are shocked I don't find this complimentary

You tell me I need to lose some weight
Even though I haven't gained any since you met me
Two months after we break up you're dating some white girl
AT LEAST 20 lbs. heavier than me with NO ASS
And even if she has an ass it's no bigger than mine
But you treasure hers because she's a white girl
when the same ass was just "aiight" on me
You value my features on a white canvas
But on brown paper they're commonplace

The black man loves to be contradictory
because I'm apparently "too white" for you
You don't care that I'm a product of my environment
All you can see is that I can name more than ten John Mayer songs
My fondness for subject-verb agreement upsets you
The only reason you're talking to me is to see if I can
put you on to one of my cute white girlfriends
or because you think I can fulfill that sick black-white-girl fetish of yours
You smile coyly as you tell me I'm the best of both worlds
A black girl on the outside, white girl on the inside
This is how you repay me for not being a Viacom stereotype

The black man accuses me of having too much self-esteem
You say I think too highly of myself
When the reality is after having you crush me for twenty-one years
I've realized only I can guarantee myself love
Reinforced when the man I am taught to call King
Gladly spits on the image of the woman that bore him
You will never share your strength with me
Why fault me for having my own?

Black man will say I am generalizing him...
And I am... And I don't care
I refuse to waste my life and my time
on men who don't really want me, who see me as the fallback
You want to use me up, have me play backdoor ho
until you find whatever it is that you're looking for

BLACK WOMEN need to wake up to what stares us in the face
We remain the most unmarried demographic because
Black men gave up on us first
Black men decided we were no longer desirable
and we continue to chase after your asses
When we could really just look elsewhere

After all these years black man
I never thought I'd being saying this to you
but I see why society turns its nose up at you
Don't be upset with me black man, you drove me here
but I will not let you ruin me
Instead, I will turn my back on you
just like you did to me, twenty-one years ago

Thanks For Reminding Me!

Adding to the list of reasons I am an outcast in the black community; I would like to take this time to acknowledge my lack of religion. I am not a good Christian; I wouldn't even call myself a Christian. I do not practice any form of religion at all. I oscillate between what they call "mild or weak agnosticism" and "agnostic theism." Basically, I don't rule out the possibility of a God (I mostly believe there is one) but I don't see the evidence behind it and such. More importantly, I choose not to commit myself to any one religion.

None of this matters to most Christian black folk that I encounter because as soon as I say the words, "I am not religious," I might as well be an atheist. The holier-than-thou attitude infuriates me. I do not disrespect their views or their religious beliefs so why the disrespect of mine? When they're going on and on and on about what God has done for them and how I need to let God into my life, I don't tell them that they sound like brain-washed fools even if that is how they sound to me. No, I don't think all religious people are brain-washed fools but I don't believe that everything horrible that has ever happened to me in my life happened wouldn't have happened or would have somehow not been as horrific if I were a Christian.

Around the age of 9 or 10, I completely denounced all religion and refused to ever go back to church again while eating cheese fries in a Wendy's. When I tell this to people they say, "My mom would have never let me do that!" "My mom would have whooped my ass!" What these people don't understand is the "I don't want to go to church anymore" battle started at about 3. I'm saying this to say she fought for at least 6 years but she finally gave up when she realized I was dead serious. I didn't want to go sit in some building and stare in the faces of known hypocrites dancing in aisles, shouting, and then going back home to beat their wives, drink themselves to death, molest children, etc. I don't say this to say this is how all churches are but this is what I was growing up around and this was my perspective so I got a very bad view of church at a young age.

Fast forward and I'm all grown up and some of my friends think they can sway me; they continually invite me to church with them. They all tell me the same thing, "My church isn't like that." By that they mean any complaint I may have about any previous church. My experiences with all these churches vary; I went to one on and off for a little while in attempt to become more religious thinking it would make me happier but it didn't, it just made me feel fake. There were several that I walked out on because I guess I came on the day that they decided to spew hate against homosexuals and I really couldn't stand for that. At this point in my life, I feel like I've given the religious life a chance and I know it's not for me. I don't expect that everyone is going to accept my lifestyle, I'm not stupid. I just find it annoying when I'm attacked because I don't share someone else's beliefs.

Tonight/this morning I called to check in on a friend who just always seems to be frazzled. She told me she was going back home to Kentucky (from Atlanta) and that she had gotten herself right with God. I said good, because I truly meant it and I know that her relationship with her God is very important to her. She asked me how I've been and I told her I'm alright except I haven't been sleeping and then she proceeds to preach to me for at least 45 minutes about how I can't sleep because I'm not right with God. At first I listened and just let her go on because I've learned it's best not argue with religious people about religion but then she pissed me off. I had told her their were reasons why I walk around with so much pain but I don't always share them with people because I don't wish to be that person who complains about their rough life. It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am and what I've been through but I don't wish to dwell on it and bring others down with it. Somehow, she decides that the devil and I are having a pity party and that's why I can't sleep. This is when I told her I don't know this devil of which you speak and I don't pity myself or expect anyone else to pity me and I said, "Bad things happen, all the time. Life is never going to be peaches and roses for everybody and I know even though I'm in pain a lot of the time somebody's got it worse." So then she tells me, "Well, I don't mean to make your pain sound menial but bad stuff happens all the time so... It's your choice." This is when I raised my voice at her and screamed and let her know that just because bad things happen does not mean it's okay and none of what has happened to me (that I can't get over) has been my fault.

I know all religious people are not like this but I run into this all the time. It's crazy to me that they judge me so harshly when they don't know my circumstance. I could have sworn they were supposed to leave the judgement to their God. If you are right and I burn in hell, so be it. It is my soul and my life, right? I wonder how many of them could have lived my life and come out unscathed, still holding on to blind faith. Sometimes it feels like that if I were a child molester but a devout Christian, I'd get a pass from these people but since I'm just a person trying to do the right thing as much as possible who doesn't like to go to church then I'm the worst kind of heathen. I don't get these people but I would like to thank my "friend" and everyone like her for reminding me why I denounced religion in that Wendy's in the first place!

Friends of the Time or Friends of Like Mind

Lately when I think of most of my closet friends I start to wonder, "Are we growing up and/or growing apart?" In general, I've had most of the same friends since elementary school but it seems like the people I hang with most are newer editions to my life. I'm not trying to put anyone on the back burner but sometimes I feel like my older friends don't get me anymore. I want to hang with my older friends so badly but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't have to try so hard. On the other hand if I don't do something maybe all my friendships will end up like me and the girl in the picture on the right.

She and I were the best of friends, inseparable really (but I guess not.) That picture is not even 3 years old. I have a sneaky feeling it's just over two years old but I'm not sure. She and I barely talk anymore and I'm not really sure what happened. I put no blame on anyone, I really think that was just the way it ended up. We're not on bad terms. If she ever needed anything I'd be there and she knows it and I truly feel it's the same for me but I wonder how best friends become old friends and it only takes a few months. Those who know us probably thought it was a long time coming but I don't know... Now that it's all said and done I'm down one best friend and that doesn't feel so great.

I hate that quote about people being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime... It seriously irks me. I don't know why it is that I hate almost anything that rationalizes why life sucks sometimes. I do like this quote though and it's basically rationalizing the same thing: There are two kinds of friends, friends of time and friends of like mind.

When I look at that I wonder if it's true and then I get sad all over again because (as I said) I feel like most of my friends don't get me. So are they all friends of the time? I want to be able to have a bridesmaid at my wedding that I've known since 2nd grade! I want Jinnelle to be my maid of honor because that's the way I always planned it. I want my kids to call these people "Auntie" and "Uncle" so-and-so but the way things are going I don't know anymore.

So I guess it's not the growing up I have a problem with (no matter how slow I am at doing it, lol) but it's the growing apart that's killing me. Someone said you never have to change your friends if you understand that friend's change but I don't believe that. I can accept that people change but it doesn't mean that I have to accommodate your changes. I don't owe any of my friends unconditional love.

I know this post kind of rambled but I really am blown. I just don't want to look back at my life and have a billion pictures of people I don't know anymore.

I AM NOBODY'S FETISH

((Disclaimer: This is an unusually long post for me but it is something that is true life and I feel many people (black women especially) can relate.))

As it has been explained, Lisa Turtle has spent a good portion of her life being the only black girl around. This has provided her with a severe lack of close black friends (especially girls) and ridicule for having a tendency to appreciate several things deemed "white" (many of which have appeared in Stuff White People Like). I may have also mentioned that I used to be a white boy connoisseur, mainly because I didn't know very many black boys who actually dated black girls. Since turning 18, I have had not trouble finding black men but every so often a little issue comes up with the some of the ones who show interest in me.

It has come to my attention that I am often the transition or "test" black girl for those black men who have never dated or "messed with" a black girl. INITIALLY, this fact never bothered me. I can admit that (though I have no problem with interracial dating, LET'S BE CLEAR ON THAT) I was actually kind of proud of it. I even, jokingly, referred to myself as the "white girl dream crusher," meaning that I crush the dream or ideal that "white is right." This was all fine in dandy in my head, I was happy to help bring some "brothas" back to the dark side... This was until I was discussing with a guy how I noticed that many guys who only date white girls tend to express interest in me to which he replied:

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS; A BLACK GIRL WITH A WHITE GIRL MENTALITY.

I cannot explain how much that one statement pissed me off. I began to reevaluate the relationships I had with all of these guys who previously seemed completely disinterested in black girls at all. Did they too think this way about me? I tried to put this out of my mind but recently, someone picked at the scab. I met this guy who is... Well, to be honest, I don't really think he's cute but my friends do and since I'm somewhat shallow I appreciated this... Anyway, I met this guy and he seemed nice and all that jazz until he up and says to me,

I only date white girls or black girls who act white, and that's why I like you... Because you act white.

Those who know me know that I can't stand that... I hate when people say I "act" white mainly because I don't try to act any certain way. I just am who I am. After he told me that I was completely turned off but me being me I just kind of let him continue to fawn over me because... Well, that's just what I do (if I'm being honest). This was until I happened to read his blogs on MySpace. Please enjoy this excerpt:

I am looking for a Caucasian or foreign type of female. Educated, sort of thick, no kids, religious and very down to earth. PERSONAL NOTE: I LOVE my black sisters but I DON'T want to have any kids or marry one nor am I messing with a female in the past. FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS and I am leaving it at that.

Again, me being me, I could not let this go. I was completely pissed that he would even bother to pursue me when he feels my entire race is beneath him. So I commented, simply saying "What is your gripe with black women?" Enjoy the conversation that followed (and I apologize on behalf of humanity for his stupidity).

Him: Black women will always be known to be nubian princesses in my heart. My future woman will be caucasian though I feel as though a caucasian women will best suite my future wants and needs.

Me:
1. I hope you know that makes no sense.
2. I don't appreciate you trying to get at me (even if you don't try anymore) when you feel as though it is beneath you to date my entire race.
3. If you love black women so much and they are your nubian princesses then why do you feel one will never be good enough to meet your standards?
4. Do you realize it is self-hatred when you are basically saying white is right and black is wrong?
5. I hope no woman, black, white, "foreign" or whatever falls for your ridiculous brand of fetishism.

P.S.: I also did not appreciate you telling me that you liked me because you like black girls who "act white."

Him:
1) we hung out one time
2) this is a FREE COUNTRY, I can choose who I want to date w/o being crticized
3) If you don't like my blog, DON'T COMMENT ON IT because I wasn't expecting negative feedback
4) If you want to delete yourself from my page, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO!

THANKS...

Me:
1. I know we hung out one time and I don't believe you saw me trying to hang with you more than that.
2. I don't actually care who you date but I was standing up for MY RACE (you know, the one you're a part of too) and I don't think anyone should limit who they fall in love with based on RACE.
3. YES, IT IS A FREE COUNTRY AND THEREFORE I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO MY OPINIONS.
4. If you want to control who can read your blogs DO SO but being that you have them out in the open I guess you want people to read them... You cannot control the way people feel, think, and react.
5. Going through my friends to find and delete you is not worth the time being that you pose no threat to me.
6. I love how you didn't address any of the points that I made.

BUT, BY ALL MEANS, CONTINUE TO DO YOU.

I would post the rest of our conversation but it's kind of irrelevant (to sum it up for those of you who are curious he tried to smooth the situation over and I was not having it so then he told me he deleted me on MySpace, deleted my friend Stephanie, deleted my number, deleted messages, etc.).

I should be offended, right? He and other little boys (because that's what they are) like him try to make me feel as though I should feel privileged to pass their white enough black girl test. I don't feel privileged or honored, I feel disgusted. I start to wonder why these lame-asses are attracted to me (other than the reason they state) and I wonder what I am doing to give off that vibe. Then I throw it all in the air and decide it's their own ignorance and it's not my problem but I can't lie, it definitely bothers me. I'm not willing to be a taste of chocolate for some white man so I for damn sure won't be some black man's black-white girl fetish. What the hell is that? I need thoughts on this topic. Please help your girl out!

OHH, AND THIS IS THAT BAMMA'S MYSPACE. BLACK WOMEN, SCRATCH THAT... WOMEN BETWEEN MARYLAND AND PENNSYLVANIA, STAY AWAY. HE ATTENDS KEYSTONE COLLEGE AND YES I AM PUTTING HIM ON BLAST.

Race Relations Y'all

I understand racism is still very important (believe me, I get it) but all this dwelling on racism between white people and black people is working my last damn nerve. If I see one more blogger bitching about Stuff White People Like (hatin' really) because it's either secretly racist or because they're not really covering white people and it's only funny because they're white blah blah blah blah blah... I DON'T CARE. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions (this is mine) but I will say (in defense of the blog) the reason it is so popular is because it doesn't go with the same lame ass whitey stereotypes.

Also, there's the LeBron James/Gisele Bundchen controversy. I'm not posting the picture. I'm not getting into a lengthy paragraph. I will just say this... Sometimes a picture is just a picture, no matter how lame or ugly. If ugly, lame pictures of black people (with or without white people in them) are racist then, damnit... The NAACP need to be all over Miss Jay for ever having his/her picture taken.

Then there's this election that's still in the damn primary stage. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE and it's already irking me to (almost) the highest point of irktivity. I can't stand America lately. (I won't put this on you though MD -- excluding B-More.) Black folk, more than usual -- and I'm usually irked by them but not as much as by white people, are really working my nerves. This feud between the general black population and I is long-standing though and I can't figure out how to get them to stop trying to be my friend/family/brother/cousin/speak to me in general. I know how to get white people not to talk to me, get all angry black woman -- works every time. I have an idea though to decrease my negro appeal (besides this danish, of course)...

I will become an outspoken black Republican like my man Larry Elder. I never see him around black people... EVER! Alan Keyes... I never see him around black people. Colin and Condi? Only around each other! This is brillant! I will also get to be semi-accepted by secretly racist white people! (I see you Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity!) Win-Win, AM I RIGHT? ;D