Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Friends of the Time or Friends of Like Mind

Lately when I think of most of my closet friends I start to wonder, "Are we growing up and/or growing apart?" In general, I've had most of the same friends since elementary school but it seems like the people I hang with most are newer editions to my life. I'm not trying to put anyone on the back burner but sometimes I feel like my older friends don't get me anymore. I want to hang with my older friends so badly but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't have to try so hard. On the other hand if I don't do something maybe all my friendships will end up like me and the girl in the picture on the right.

She and I were the best of friends, inseparable really (but I guess not.) That picture is not even 3 years old. I have a sneaky feeling it's just over two years old but I'm not sure. She and I barely talk anymore and I'm not really sure what happened. I put no blame on anyone, I really think that was just the way it ended up. We're not on bad terms. If she ever needed anything I'd be there and she knows it and I truly feel it's the same for me but I wonder how best friends become old friends and it only takes a few months. Those who know us probably thought it was a long time coming but I don't know... Now that it's all said and done I'm down one best friend and that doesn't feel so great.

I hate that quote about people being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime... It seriously irks me. I don't know why it is that I hate almost anything that rationalizes why life sucks sometimes. I do like this quote though and it's basically rationalizing the same thing: There are two kinds of friends, friends of time and friends of like mind.

When I look at that I wonder if it's true and then I get sad all over again because (as I said) I feel like most of my friends don't get me. So are they all friends of the time? I want to be able to have a bridesmaid at my wedding that I've known since 2nd grade! I want Jinnelle to be my maid of honor because that's the way I always planned it. I want my kids to call these people "Auntie" and "Uncle" so-and-so but the way things are going I don't know anymore.

So I guess it's not the growing up I have a problem with (no matter how slow I am at doing it, lol) but it's the growing apart that's killing me. Someone said you never have to change your friends if you understand that friend's change but I don't believe that. I can accept that people change but it doesn't mean that I have to accommodate your changes. I don't owe any of my friends unconditional love.

I know this post kind of rambled but I really am blown. I just don't want to look back at my life and have a billion pictures of people I don't know anymore.

1 comment:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

thats a sweet picture
aint nothing like a tru friend