Monday, June 16, 2008

I Like The Celtics But I HATE Boston.

I write this for peace of mind.
I write this because I cannot express myself through other means.
I write this because I am thinking of things that I never thought.

I never thought this would happen to someone that I know... knew.
I never thought that the last time I saw you would be the last time I'd ever see you again but it was and I hate myself for not remembering what you were wearing.
I never thought I'd regret all the petty arguments.
I never thought you wouldn't see your 21st birthday.

I don't have the right to fall apart now.
I have to hold it together for your sister, my friend -- the woman I call my sister because she is a big sister to me. She is hands down one of the best people I've ever known and my whole being hurts for her because I know how much she hurts right now. Someone has taken you and even though she were not the one who bore you, you are basically her first born. Nobody wants to bury their child.

So now the tears fall.
The questions are asked...
What were the circumstances?
What was this over?
Why was a 15-year-old out so late?

And I try to hold it together but I have to admit I don't handle these things very well. I don't handle death very well especially when the circumstances are so terrible. Twenty years. That's it. That's how long you lived. You will never get to not need your fake ID. I don't care how silly that sounds but you loved SoCo and Lime and you will never get to LEGALLY buy some.

I'm just so angry.
All of the lives this will affect.
You were a presence.
...Not a person anyone could ever forget.
You will not only be missed but you will be mourned.
I, personally, have never had so many arguments and good times with a person in such a short amount of time.

This 15-year-old boy...
He has ended your life and ruined his.
Whatever his reason for stabbing you, this mess has resulted in the destruction of two lives, two families...
I do not feel for him though.
I do not feel bad for his family.
I only feel anger and pain and hurt and resentment and...

AND WHY CAN'T I FIND YOUR NAME IN THE NEWS?
WHY CAN'T I FIND SOMETHING IN BOSTON OR SURROUNDING AREAS THAT SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU???
THIS ASSAULT HAS TURNED INTO A HOMICIDE. DON'T THEY JUST LOVE SHIT LIKE THIS? LET'S GET THE REACTION FROM THE VICTIM'S FAMILY!

That's my anger taking over again but I just want to scream at everyone who doesn't understand why I'm just so damn mad.

They say your blood wouldn't clot.
It made no sense to keep giving you blood.
There was nothing more they could do.

And now that's what stands in your place... Nothing.
And all I can do is wish you never went to Boston but wishing is never going to bring you back or change it. I'm not going to wake up from this nightmare because this is all real. You are never coming back. I'll never cuss you out again. We'll never get fucked up again. You'll never tell me "PEEP" before every important thing you say again. No more "Heeeyyyyy white girrrl" to random chicks in grocery stores. No more having you tell me I'm a "fuckin' lunchbox" after almost everything I say. I hope to never forget these memories.

But anyway, I got our picture up on my MySpace and my Facebook and people will laugh because we're both drunk in it and they'll say who is that boy with you???


And I'll tell them all... His name IS Elisha T. Adams and he will ALWAYS be my friend. That is something no bold 15-year-old with a knife, no doctors, no God, NOBODY could ever take away.

3 comments:

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

im rooe celtics for the first tting for thime ever - i must be sick come on KG

(fŭng'kē) [blak] [chik] said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss!

Lisa Marie Turtle (2008 Model) said...

Thank you so funky!