That's the subtitle of my friend Cara's danish. It made me start thinking about myself... About why I am the way I am. I think I will try to make a list now. Try to follow, I tend to ramble.
- "Jasmine is such a snob" -Selected Family Members
- "She think she better than everybody because she live in Baltimore." -Selected Family Members (And I don't fucking live in Baltimore)
- "This my cousin from Baltimore." -Cousins
- "Girl, you think you from Baltimore and you not. YOU FROM HAMMOND, LA." -Selected Family Members
- I was actually born in Hammond, LA. Not THAT GREAT of a place for black people.
- "Your chink eyes are ugly." -Selected Family Members
- My mom counted less than 20 black people in my 7th grade yearbook (me included) for all the grades (6,7,8).
- I stole my brother's Tupac and Nas CDs when I needed a break from Mariah Carey.
- The whole first 8 years of my life I was only technically allowed to listen to christian/gospel music and country music (with the exception of Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Whitney Houston). I cheated in secret, of course.
- Child-molestation.
- Alcoholism... Throughout both sides of my family.
- Being abused daily.
- Getting screamed at for bringing home a "B."
- Being the only black kid in at least one of my classes every year since 4th grade.
- Not realizing there were so many black kids in my graduating class until graduation... They just weren't in my classes.
- Not knowing what "nigger" meant until 6th grade.
- Hating my father until I was 18 for no real reason.
- My favorite book is The Giving Tree because it mirrors many things in the relationship between my mother and my brother.
- Accepting being called "oreo." (Black on the outside, white on the outside).
- Being called "white girl" as early as 4.
- Being forced into attending an all black school because my family thought I needed to learn how to be around black people.
- Being given a natural apprehension to trust any male by the time I was 3.
- Suicide attempts.
- Having my hair straight for the first time in 7th grade and having Kyle Bagbey pull on it because he didn't believe it wasn't a weave.
- Growing up in Crofton, Maryland.
- Giving into Go-Go music at 18.
- Falling in love with poetry at 4.
- Reading Shakepeare's classics in elementary school.
- Wishbone. :)
- Being a scorpio.
- My brother dying before I was born and the effect it had on my mother.
- My other brother dying in 8th grade and me not being able to remember his face.
- Having every hamster I've ever had die in less than a year (though I took good care of them) only to find out after the last one that hamsters just don't have long life spans. :(
- Being complimented on being so "articulate."
- Having good SAT scores that were not good enough for my mother.
- Sexual assault in adulthood.
- Witnessing women I love and respect being beat by men.
- Bad allergies.
- Thyroid conditions.
- Depression.
- Anxiety.
- Arundel Senior High School.
- Four Seasons Elementary.
- Woodmore Elementary.
- Crofton Middle.
- Arundel Middle.
- Clark Atlanta University.
- Woodland Park Elementary School.
- The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill.
- Eating chili and cheese out of a bowl.
- Bonne Belle chapstick.
- MTV rotting my brain.
- Disney channel.
- Nickelodeon.
- The Guiding Light.
- Never feeling quite loved enough.
- The handful of people in this world I think understand me.
- Leke.
- Derek.
- Jeff.
- Broken-hearts.
- Michelle.
- Jinnelle.
- Cara.
- Melody.
- My cousin Kelle.
- Jonathan William (both of them.)
- Hurricane Katrina.
- The internet.
- My grandmother Augustine.
- The rest of my family.
- Music!
- Books!
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Now playing: N*E*R*D - Maybe
via FoxyTunes
