I AM NOBODY'S FETISH

((Disclaimer: This is an unusually long post for me but it is something that is true life and I feel many people (black women especially) can relate.))

As it has been explained, Lisa Turtle has spent a good portion of her life being the only black girl around. This has provided her with a severe lack of close black friends (especially girls) and ridicule for having a tendency to appreciate several things deemed "white" (many of which have appeared in Stuff White People Like). I may have also mentioned that I used to be a white boy connoisseur, mainly because I didn't know very many black boys who actually dated black girls. Since turning 18, I have had not trouble finding black men but every so often a little issue comes up with the some of the ones who show interest in me.

It has come to my attention that I am often the transition or "test" black girl for those black men who have never dated or "messed with" a black girl. INITIALLY, this fact never bothered me. I can admit that (though I have no problem with interracial dating, LET'S BE CLEAR ON THAT) I was actually kind of proud of it. I even, jokingly, referred to myself as the "white girl dream crusher," meaning that I crush the dream or ideal that "white is right." This was all fine in dandy in my head, I was happy to help bring some "brothas" back to the dark side... This was until I was discussing with a guy how I noticed that many guys who only date white girls tend to express interest in me to which he replied:

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS; A BLACK GIRL WITH A WHITE GIRL MENTALITY.

I cannot explain how much that one statement pissed me off. I began to reevaluate the relationships I had with all of these guys who previously seemed completely disinterested in black girls at all. Did they too think this way about me? I tried to put this out of my mind but recently, someone picked at the scab. I met this guy who is... Well, to be honest, I don't really think he's cute but my friends do and since I'm somewhat shallow I appreciated this... Anyway, I met this guy and he seemed nice and all that jazz until he up and says to me,

I only date white girls or black girls who act white, and that's why I like you... Because you act white.

Those who know me know that I can't stand that... I hate when people say I "act" white mainly because I don't try to act any certain way. I just am who I am. After he told me that I was completely turned off but me being me I just kind of let him continue to fawn over me because... Well, that's just what I do (if I'm being honest). This was until I happened to read his blogs on MySpace. Please enjoy this excerpt:

I am looking for a Caucasian or foreign type of female. Educated, sort of thick, no kids, religious and very down to earth. PERSONAL NOTE: I LOVE my black sisters but I DON'T want to have any kids or marry one nor am I messing with a female in the past. FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS and I am leaving it at that.

Again, me being me, I could not let this go. I was completely pissed that he would even bother to pursue me when he feels my entire race is beneath him. So I commented, simply saying "What is your gripe with black women?" Enjoy the conversation that followed (and I apologize on behalf of humanity for his stupidity).

Him: Black women will always be known to be nubian princesses in my heart. My future woman will be caucasian though I feel as though a caucasian women will best suite my future wants and needs.

Me:
1. I hope you know that makes no sense.
2. I don't appreciate you trying to get at me (even if you don't try anymore) when you feel as though it is beneath you to date my entire race.
3. If you love black women so much and they are your nubian princesses then why do you feel one will never be good enough to meet your standards?
4. Do you realize it is self-hatred when you are basically saying white is right and black is wrong?
5. I hope no woman, black, white, "foreign" or whatever falls for your ridiculous brand of fetishism.

P.S.: I also did not appreciate you telling me that you liked me because you like black girls who "act white."

Him:
1) we hung out one time
2) this is a FREE COUNTRY, I can choose who I want to date w/o being crticized
3) If you don't like my blog, DON'T COMMENT ON IT because I wasn't expecting negative feedback
4) If you want to delete yourself from my page, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO!

THANKS...

Me:
1. I know we hung out one time and I don't believe you saw me trying to hang with you more than that.
2. I don't actually care who you date but I was standing up for MY RACE (you know, the one you're a part of too) and I don't think anyone should limit who they fall in love with based on RACE.
3. YES, IT IS A FREE COUNTRY AND THEREFORE I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO MY OPINIONS.
4. If you want to control who can read your blogs DO SO but being that you have them out in the open I guess you want people to read them... You cannot control the way people feel, think, and react.
5. Going through my friends to find and delete you is not worth the time being that you pose no threat to me.
6. I love how you didn't address any of the points that I made.

BUT, BY ALL MEANS, CONTINUE TO DO YOU.

I would post the rest of our conversation but it's kind of irrelevant (to sum it up for those of you who are curious he tried to smooth the situation over and I was not having it so then he told me he deleted me on MySpace, deleted my friend Stephanie, deleted my number, deleted messages, etc.).

I should be offended, right? He and other little boys (because that's what they are) like him try to make me feel as though I should feel privileged to pass their white enough black girl test. I don't feel privileged or honored, I feel disgusted. I start to wonder why these lame-asses are attracted to me (other than the reason they state) and I wonder what I am doing to give off that vibe. Then I throw it all in the air and decide it's their own ignorance and it's not my problem but I can't lie, it definitely bothers me. I'm not willing to be a taste of chocolate for some white man so I for damn sure won't be some black man's black-white girl fetish. What the hell is that? I need thoughts on this topic. Please help your girl out!

OHH, AND THIS IS THAT BAMMA'S MYSPACE. BLACK WOMEN, SCRATCH THAT... WOMEN BETWEEN MARYLAND AND PENNSYLVANIA, STAY AWAY. HE ATTENDS KEYSTONE COLLEGE AND YES I AM PUTTING HIM ON BLAST.

WHO DAT IS? DAT JUSS MAH BABY DADDY!

WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE WORLD?

TMZ has reported that some 50-year-old woman (Jaymes Foster, little sister to legendary music mogul David Foster and bff to Ms. Aiken herself) got her eggo preggo courtesy of CLAY AIKEN. YES, CLAY AIKEN. LET ME SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME, CLAY AIKEN GOT SOMEBODY PREGNANT! Now wipe that disturbing image out of your mind... It is reportedly through artificial insemination (obviously) but, yes, someone chose that mug to produce a baby with. It saddens me to think someone was that desperate. Did she not think of the ridicule she AND her child would receive? *Sigh* First Znorflack invades TRL and now this...

The Alien Formerly Known As Usher Speaks!

Call me a hater if you want to but I refuse to refer to that creature posing as the formerly ridiculously sexy black man that made 8701 "Usher." Perhaps I should give him a new, crazy alien name -- Znorflack. I was flipping through the channels yesterday and saw Znorflack on TRL and I watch as he breaks out into this rant, fiercely defending his leader Tameka (you know, the woman who abducted or "married" the real Usher). I have searched long and hard (not really) for a clip for your eyes to see. I'm also going to transcribe my favorite part in case VIACOM forces removal. Please enjoy Znorflack's rant:

HIGHLIGHTS

• "I'm a now stepdad and as well as a dad to 'baby cinco' out there."
  (I know that the baby is Usher Raymond V but really... BABY CINCO? SERIOUSLY?)

• "MATTER OF FACT, I'm tired of people continuing to talk so much trash about me! You know what I'm sayin? Me and my relationship -- My wife is not 40 years old; I love her to death and I'm a black, strong man in America standing up for my people and -- as well, as as a man to my wife, to my son, to my family -- I'm making a stand that a lot of us should make. I could've been like any other man who have a child and just, you know, live with that woman and to continue to just, you know, play the game but... Differently, I'm tryna do it the right way. This is the way you should do it, PAY ATTENTION FELLAS!"
  (So what you're saying is that Znorflack is here instead of Usher because Lt. Tameka created spawn possibly carrying his DNA??? Or if you are in fact Usher you only married her because she got knocked up??? Not a good thing to admit on National television Znorflack!)
  

• (In reference to Lt. Tameka) "She's a beautiful black woman!"
  (LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!)
  

BTW... Your new CD sucks Znorflack!

To Whom It May Concern

To The Roots?!!!, Chrisette Michele, Wale, and any and all members involved in that abomination of a song called "Rising Up":

I (and several of my comrades) have tried HARD to like that song... But we can't. I am going to lay out a plan for you to make this song better because I (we) feel it was a good idea in theory but you all somehow missed the boat.

1. IN THEORY, the go-go beat was a good idea but it didn't sound quite go-go-ey... I think I figured out where it got messed up. If you would please take out the piano/keyboard/whatever the hell that is that comes in during parts of the song (especially when Chrisette Michele is singing) then the song will go down at least 18 points on the annoying meter. I'm talking more bongos less piano. NEEDS MORE COWBELL!
   


2. IN THEORY, having Chrisette Michele sing the hook was a good idea... IN THEORY. Look, I will set my feelings aside about the supreme annoying-ness of her voice in general for a second and say... I understand why she was chosen BUT her voice is not working. It's not pure or pretty enough to carry off jazziness into the mainstream or to make people who fine her absolutely annoying (and there are a lot of us) forget that she's singing the hook. My suggestion to you is that you swap her out for the lush vocals of Jill Scott and if she won't do it, find that chick from Floetry.


3. *DEEP SIGH* Wale Wale Wale. I really did want to love you Wale. "Born" in DC, raised MURRLIN (Maryland for the rest of you), I wanted you to be more than an off brand bastard child of Kanyeezy and Weezy. Now look Wale, your critics constantly say your flow is awkward and you are intent on proving them right in this song. You have repeatedly stated that Black Thought is your favorite rapper so why did you not come harder when getting to spit on a track with your favorite rapper. I can't rap for shit but if I could do a track with Nas I'm trying to have a B-Rabbit 8 MILE moment. Instead you give this wacksauce and worse you don't even bother to correct them on this jacked up go-go-ish sound. I expected more from you but then again I don't know why. Now why don't you stop being EXTRA with all the DC accent shit and talk like somebody from MOCO (you know what I mean.)
   

These are my main gripes with this song. I love Black Thought in the song. The lyrics are pretty good. Due to the aforementioned elements, the song just didn't work. I suggest you pay close attention to my suggestions (especially 1 and 2) and re-record the song. Or you can continue to be that almost really hot band.

Love,
Jasmine a.k.a. The New Lisa Turtle & The Management

Listen To The Abomination Here

ODE TO THE BEAVER STATE

I would like to give say BIG UPS to Oregon because they said HELL NO to Hillary Clintron! Please enjoy this pointless post brought to you by lazy Google Image searches, Wikipedia, and Currah.

University of Portland (Cara's School) - PURPLE PRIDE WHAT!
Focus The Nation in Portland.

Somewhere in Portland.

Gay Pride in Portland.




Random pics (from Currah) of Portland.

I LOVE THIS FACE. ♥You Currah

Currah drankin a beer.

Cuteness in Oregon.

Clark Gable (a famous Oregonian) is a hot piece.

Tragic Figure Tonya Harding (Famous Oregonian)

Okay, I really just wanted a reason to appreciate the great state that houses my lover... Currah a.k.a. C. Delo a.k.a. Jessie Spano a.k.a. Cara.

And if you don't like this post:

Nas Drops The N-Bomb

So I learned today that Nas has decided against naming his forthcoming album "Nigger" and the album will, reportedly, be untitled. I have to say this news is somewhat displeasing... Because I have not heard the album (obviously) I was never 100% sure that the title corresponded with the lyrical content but my faith in Nas (my favorite rapper - fuck the haters) made me believe that it couldn't just be a publicity ploy. Now that he has agreed to change the name of his album, I am kind of disappointed. I loved his "I-don't-give-a-flying-fuck" attitude towards the press, his record label, any and everyone who didn't like it. At the same time I understand why he would change the title... I can't see Target selling an album called NIGGER or Best Buy even. I'm also happy that he at least didn't rename it to something less powerful just to appease others... Leaving it untitled still preserves his original statement in a way.

You can read more about this here.

Now check out his new song, "N.I.G.G.E.R (The Slave and The Master)

XOXO Lisa Turtle

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Anxiously Awaiting Results (Originally Posted in Jazzurah)

In case you didn't know, my friend Currah and I have a danish called Jasmine + Cara = Jazzurrah and this is our latest post:

IF THE SEXY MAN YOU SEE BEFORE YOU BEATS THE CLINTRON IN INDIANA, CARA AND I WILL WRITE OBAMA ON OUR BOOBS!

That Darn Lisa!

I keep disappearing and there are many reasons behind it but I'm trying to do better. I'm not just disappearing from my danish but in many aspects of my life... There's many reasons and when I figure out how to properly convey them to the people who care or can be helped from such experiences I will write them down and speak the words that need to be said.

Until then, I don't know what I'll write about or how often I'll write. I have ideas in my head but when I try to type it all out I quit. Hmm...



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Now playing: Alicia Keys - Lesson Learned (Feat. John Mayer)
via FoxyTunes