Sarah Palin Scares Me

Bree Van de Kamp Hodge, Peg Boggs, Rita Repulsa, and Sarah Palin

I know everyone (especially out there in the danishosphere) is throwing in their two cents on potential vice president, Sarah Palin. I'm going to stay away from all the wtfery of John McCain's craptacular VP pick and explain why lil ol Sarah Palin scares me.

Part 1: Too many similarities to Bree Van de Kamp Hodge. Bree is a character (played by the always believably crazy Marcia Cross) on the popular television series Desperate Housewives. In light of the grandson-son-gate, the comparisons began. Sarah Palin allegedly faked a pregnancy to cover up for her teen daughter, Bree Van de Kamp Hodge actually did it. Bree is also a staunch Republican, a long-term member of the National Rifle Association, anti-abortion, by-the-good-book religious when it counts and when it's convenient, really really white... All of that. If you've never seen Desperate Housewives, believe me when I say Bree is one crazy bitch. Anyone putting me in the mind of her IMMEDIATELY goes on the "One Crazy Bitch" watch list.

Part 2: Have you ever seen Edward Scissorhands? Do you remember the mom? Tell me Sarah Palin does not remind you of her! For the 2 people that read this that have not seen Edward Scissorhands, or simply cannot remember, the mom in Edward Scissorhands was a bored, obnoxious, Avon selling housewife named Peg Boggs. Now... It's not so much about her character traits as it is the way she looks. The ultra matronly outfits, hair, and the same ugly glasses. Plus, it doesn't help that I could totally see Palin trying to force some Avon or Mary Kay on somebody. You may ask, why is this scary? Because you know if she had not gotten involved in politics she'd probably be one of those Susie Homemaker hockey moms and I always think perky suburban housewives are about one burnt cookie from unloading an assault rifle on the whole neighborhood. And if they're a member of the NRA (Palin), they probably have access to some, IDK, rifles. Beware suburbanites, beware.

Part 3: I'm almost positive all power hungry women have a plan to take over the world. Let's face it, I think most power hungry people have a plan to take over the world but women haven't had a fair shake so you know we let our imagination run wild when plotting. Because so few women are in extremely high-powered positions, dreaming of what you would do if you had the power seems more like some far fetched fantasy. Some of us just want to create harmony and come up with a good health care plan... Others have the Rita Repulsa gleam in their eyes. Rita Repulsa was my public enemy number one in the early nineties. That trick was always trying to off the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Everytime Rita would explain her eeeevvuuulll plan she would get this disturbing look in her eye, a gleam if you will. I see that look on Sarah Palin. It's this seemingly innocent squint-smile thing but look again, behind that pretense is the second coming of the Empress of Evil.

When you sum it all up, Sarah Palin is a lying, conniving, rifle toting, bible thumping, possibly bipolar, seemingly friendly and harmless, eeeevvuuulll trickster. She's got everyone fooled with her inexperience. If Jon McCain beats Obama, I will be convinced it was part of her plan that she has concocted and will fully expect for Jon McCain to be incapacitated by February 2009. Watch out America, I gave you fair warning.