Saturday, April 05, 2008

Someone get Rihanna a Xanax, STAT!

Apparently Beyoncé & Jay-Z might have gotten married yesterday. Hmm... I won't comment on the whole wtfery of their relationship (his face and her face, mismatch!) but I do chose to comment on two things that are very important:

1. What about Ri-Ri?
Every since the alleged Grammy's hoopla of her putting Jay on BLAST, rumors about he and Ri-Ri have cooled putting more focus on Ri-Ri and other men. How is Ri-Ri handling the news? Several reports of the guest list at this alleged wedding, no Rihanna reported so far. I don't really care what she's doing... Let me be honest with you. I just hope this means that without Jay influence (being that he left Def-Jam and all) and without him ramming her down our throats... MAYBE SHE'LL DISAPPEAR AND I WON'T HAVE TO SPEND ANOTHER SUMMER CRINGING AT EACH NOTE THAT SHE MISSES... I'd just not listen but it's kind of impossible to tell other people which stations to listen to in their cars.

2. Will they have children?

(Heeeyyy you guyssss!)

Okay, I'm not going to lie -- I don't think Jay-Z should ever... EVER... EVA EVA EVA procreate. He's got a face that only Beyoncé (bitch is brainwashed, I swear) could love. Can you imagine being an innocent little baby and opening your eyes up and seeing THAT FACE on a regular basis? CRUEL. I don't like that I see that face on a regular basis. Let's be real here... Jay-Z spreading his seed is a disservice to mankind. Any and all future children will indubitably be ugly if they are indeed his children. This is why I didn't believe that business about his alleged son -- little boy is not hideous or really even ugly at all therefore logic and watching Maury says to me it can't be his. If they do decide to have little deformed looking babies I do hope they look nothing like this:

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